It feels like an exceptionally hard time to be a human in general and an even harder time to show up daily as a leader. To enthusiastically guide people through cultural upheaval, economic uncertainty, and the never-ending feeling that the other shoe is always about to fall.
Middle-Managers are Done
At the end of last year, Slack released a report of its users that middle management is burning out at record levels.
This group is now asked to do more with fewer resources, and in some deeply frustrating cases, we see record profits, yet a looming recession has executive teams pulling back budgets. With fewer resources comes increased pressure and workload not only for themselves but for their teams.
Every day can feel chalked full of no-win situations with pressure from the top and frustrations from below, leaving middle managers isolated and feeling a lack of control.
Chronic Stress from Lack of Autonomy Leads to All-or-Nothing Thinking
In an already overly stressed population, chronic stress is only getting worse. I’ve written before about the effects of chronic stress on our brains. In short, it decreases the activity of our prefrontal cortex, which is critical for making plans, resilience, and changing direction. As University of Michigan behavior, researcher Michelle Segar says, “Executive functioning helps us sort through our choices and priorities at the moment and make a new plan that suits the new circumstances.”
Feeling a lack of options and autonomy induces stress, which, annoyingly enough, can narrow our exploration of the options.
Unsurprisingly, we often default to all-or-nothing thinking leading to rigid, overly-simplistic ways of approaching what’s before us.
Suddenly, everything feels unsustainable and unmanageable, with a side order of feeling like everyone hates you and you suck at your job. Oh, and that also everyone around you (especially your leadership) is terrible. Do any of these sound familiar:
- You can’t finish everything on your list, so you find yourself on round 1,328 of Candy Crush.
- You think, even if I get this deadline moved, the team members will still think I’m terrible, so why even bother?
- Often, the only option in front of you feels like quitting or changing careers.
Identify Choice Points During Chronic Stress
A mentor introduced me to the work of Michelle Segar, which led me to her latest book, The Joy Choice. It’s a book about health, but her explanations and tactics felt so relevant to coping with the chronic stress of our daily lives.
She talks about moments she calls “choice points” – in her words:
“a choice point—between eating this or that, between going for a walk or continuing to work. And at this choice point, emotional and psychological resisters lurk deep in our life space, trapping us and pulling us away from our plan: You go to work in the morning certain that you’ll complete your exercise plan, and bam!—you find yourself working till midnight instead.”
Michelle Segar
Choice points emerge in these moments, where stress is piled up on us, plans and dynamics are changing, and situations are less than ideal. It would be great if policies weren’t crappy, if people showed up on time, if employees always delivered on time, if people never quit, if our colleagues didn’t throw us under the proverbial bus, we could go on forever.
Identify the Decision Disruptors
But rarely are things perfect. Rarely are things black and white, and when we try to make it black and white and remove the room for nuance and complexity and shifts, our self-awareness withers as does our self-esteem. We put excessively high standards on ourselves and each other that we simply can not meet. And when we don’t, we lose trust in ourselves and each other.
At these choice points, Segar identifies four decision disruptors that have stayed with me since I read it:
TEMPTATION – Sometimes, it’s hard to make good choices. We might want something even though we know it’s not good for us. Even though our brain tells us not to do it, we still give in to the easy choice. This can make us feel guilty and sad afterward.
REBELLION – Sometimes, we don’t want to do what we’re supposed to do. We resist being told what to do. Studies show that this can happen when we try to do something or set a goal we haven’t thought through. And often, upon reflection, it doesn’t feel true to who we are. This can make us want to do the opposite, even though it’s not what we really want. We might feel good for a moment, but it can ultimately hurt us.
ACCOMMODATION – Don’t have to tell us about this one! We put other people’s needs before our own. We might do it to be nice, to be seen as a team player. Or we may do it to simply get more things done. But when we do that, we’re not taking care of ourselves.
PERFECTIONISM – In our desire for perfection, we spend too much time getting to 100% when 90% is fine. We also tend to resist delegating.
When we become TRAPped, we often lack the self-awareness to see how the situations and our reactions to those situations align with our values, aspirations, goals, and the impact we want to have.
Last week, I wrote about some brain-based tactics when you find yourself in that moment of overwhelm where you feel like you are moving into all-or-nothing thinking.
Address All-of-Nothing Thinking
But today, I want to encourage myself and by proxy, you all to remember:
- When it seems like there are no options, it’s time for a walk, some fresh air, and a pen and piece of paper. Blue sky brainstorming of the options available to you can be quite freeing.
- We don’t have to live our life avoiding the hard conversations and seeing conflict as the enemy. Conflict is like our living lab if we can put our armor down and show up curious.
- Open up to the person you are closest to about your feelings. Ask them to help you think of a time you’ve been in a similar situation. You’ll be amazed to remember that even though this feels brand new, you’ve probably been there before.
- Take a small step – we live in a world that praises the giant leap. But progress is in tiny steps unseen to the naked eye and will rarely be praised by those around you. However, you will feel the satisfaction of the small steps, and what YOU think of yourself always matters the most.
