What Happens To Our Brains When We Get Feedback?

If you want to deliver constructive criticism in a way your employees (or significant other) will actually listen to and absorb, then it is important to understand how the brain reacts when we see receive meaningful feedback.

Understand Our Two Brain Primary States

Approach/Reward	Avoid/Threat
– our brain is analyzing the environment around us as safe – Blood flow is available for our prefrontal cortex resulting in higher functioning, better ability to respond and problem solve – Associated with the release of oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin	– Our brain interprets something in our environment as dangerous or threatening – Resources are diverted from our prefrontal cortex to our limbic system, which prepares us for fight – Associated with the release of cortisol and adrenaline

We function in a modern world where threats to our safety are just a touch different than those of our ancestors. But, unfortunately for us and our constant ability to FREAK OUT, our brain does not perceive the difference between a physical threat and a societal threat.

Well, I’m sure you guessed that when we receive feedback, our brains often move into the avoid/threat mode. When functioning in this mode, it’s easy to not only shut down but also misinterpret what is being said, misconnect the dots, or make sweeping overgeneralizations.

And here’s something fun for you to digest… activity in the limbic system can be equal for those giving the feedback and receiving the feedback. So this tendency to misinterpret, connect dots that shouldn’t be connected and make sweeping over-generalizations can happen on either side. SWELL.

Best Brain-Designed Practices for Giving Feedback Designed for Maximum Impact

Look, in my research, I read about a million “feedback formulas” I could share with you, but when you start to understand the brain and the DEEPLY individual nature of how brains process information, I came to form the opinion that feedback formulas are junk. We aren’t robots. Instead, I think it’s better to understand what is at RISK when feedback is being delivered.

Enter David Rock, a neuro-leadership scientist. His research uncovered five primary areas of motivation that activate the same threat and reward responses in our brain that we rely on for survival, also called the S.C.A.R.F Model.

Brain Motivation Area 1 – Status: Relative social standing.

When we deliver feedback, we often signal that we have even more of an increased status relative to theirs. When we threaten the status of another person, even subtlety, that person’s limbic system can react without even knowing.

Best practices to positively signal status:

• Take some responsibility for the problem yourself.
• Share a time when you screwed up in a similar way.
• Emphasize that you have confidence in the person and that they can improve.
• Try to get out of your office when delivering feedback, as the environment can signify status.

Brain Motivation Area 2 – Certainty: Human desire to predict the future.

We may threaten certainty when we aren’t clear about how this feedback affects the person’s future. For instance, someone may be worried that they are being asked off a project, fired, or now not considered for a promotion, so instead of listening and engaging in the feedback, their brain is checked out.

Best practices to positively signal certainty:

• Set the agenda and expectations at the beginning of the conversation.
• Be clear on the implications by articulating what will or will not change.
• If the person will be going on a performance plan, state that upfront.

Brain Motivation Area 3 – Autonomy: Sense of control over our lives and the way we do things

When we tell people how to do things, we can disrupt a sense of someone’s personal freedom.

Best practices to positively signal autonomy:

• Avoid delivering specific recommendations for how to do something in favor of asking open-ended questions.
• Rather than asking open-ended questions that are geared towards the negative and what not to do, focus the questions on how to improve/what to do.
• Whenever possible, create choices and options.

Brain Motivation Area 4 – Relatedness: Connectedness and sense of safety with others

When we aren’t precise or reaffirming when we deliver feedback, it can threaten our connection, potentially making the other person feel excluded.

Best practices to positively signal relatedness:

• Prepare for the conversation by remembering what this team member values.
• Be empathetic by framing the conversation to align to those values.
• Let your team know you are a resource for them.
• Give positive feedback more than negative. Gallup’s work shows that the average employee needs to be shown appreciation once every 7 days for maximum engagement.
• When possible, deliver feedback face-to-face and avoid sitting across from the person, instead sitting beside them.
• While you don’t want to dilly dally with meaningless small talk, avoid jumping right in with feedback. Make a connection.

Brain Motivation Area 5 – Fairness: Sense of what is right or acceptable in terms of how resources or rewards are allocated.

Fairness can show up in multiple ways: feeling singled out, the perception that they were set up to fail, and feeling caught off guard because they were expecting positive feedback.

Best practices to positively signal fairness:

• Again, own your part of the issue.
• Ensure that you have evidence of the problem and that you are presenting the evidence accurately.
• If other people are involved, ensure they know the other people will also be receiving feedback.
• Be specific on the objectives you have for the person moving forward.
• Focus on task-level feedback and not emotionally driven or open-to-interpretation feedback.

Be Cognizant of What is Happening in Your Brain While Giving Feedback

To close it out, we know the research says it can feel equally threatening to the brain to GIVE negative feedback. Here are some tips to stay level because if you freak out, the other person surely will.

1. Prepare for the conversation: If you are stressed, the other person will most likely be stressed. If you begin to move into avoid/threat, this can trigger the other person’s body to do the same.
2. Label your emotion: The research shows when we label our emotions, we can better move through them, thus decreasing the activity of the amygdala (a major player of the limbic system). When you practice the naming, you have to engage your prefrontal cortex, which diverts the resources away from the limbic system.
3. Practice cognitive reappraisal: This strategy allows us to interpret a situation differently than our initial gut response. This is all about making a conscious decision on how to see the situation. For example:       
   • If you are giving feedback and know your team member has goals of becoming a CMO one day, make the conscious decision to reinterpret the situation that you are working to bring down the barrier to the CMO position.
   • If you are receiving feedback that you keep interrupting people at work, make the conscious decision to reinterpret the feedback as an opportunity to work towards the goal of being a successful game show host. Hey, I didn’t say it had to be accurate, just another scenario.
4. Don’t be afraid to pause: Breathing can help regulate your brain and move resources away from the limbic system and back to the prefrontal cortex.

The Golden Goose: Create a Culture of Asking for Feedback

There are countless models for how to give feedback. Still, the truth is, in all the research I read, the only practice that consistently delivered people away from avoid/threat into approach/reward is when the culture moved away from the boss providing the feedback to an environment where people asked for feedback.

And this makes sense. Here’s how Team Members asking for feedback flips the script on the domains we just talked about:

Status: They hold the status here because they are ASKING for it.

Certainty: They can clearly ask for the implications.

Autonomy: They can steer the conversation in the direction of their choosing.

Relatedness: By asking, they are immediately building a bridge with the person delivering the feedback.

Fairness: It’s a level playing field.

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• Woo YK, Song J, Jiang Y, Cho C, Bong M, Kim SI. Effects of informative and confirmatory feedback on brain activation during negative feedback processing. Front Hum Neurosci. 
• How neuroscience can help us give and receive critical feedback. Impact from Monash University.
• Rock, David. SCARF: a brain-based model for collaborating with and influencing others. NeuroLeadership Journal